After overhearing a few things about why Willow's dead ex was back to help, I felt more proud of Angel than I ever had. He'd fight for us wherever he could, no matter how final his destiny appeared to be. It made me wonder what could have happened to him after he went towards the metaphorical light, but I didn't let myself think about it much more. After Fred gave me a hug I let my thoughts drift a little.
Everything that we'd lost, everything that we'd gained, the team always found a way to balance out and recover from its losses. No thanks to me nowadays, but that's not the point. It's getting to be impossible for me to ignore the fact that I'm a part of something bigger. Not necessarily bigger than any specific something that I'd ever witnessed, just bigger than anything that I'd ever imagined.
It's scarier if I think about it that way, but it's more bearable too. No matter what or who we lose, no matter what happens...there will always be someone left to fight for us.
Tara was there for Angel, and maybe Angel had been holding her place until she could come back to Willow. If that was true, then Angel had stepped in after someone else had been lost to the mission. And maybe I had too. Maybe all of us were constantly holding the line for the good guys without knowing it. Maybe the only thing that's permanent about our lives is how far we move the line from our place in the fight.
I finally think I can live with that; not that I have a choice. I'd be as gone as Angel is if I stopped trying to accept the things that are thrown at me. This time I lost someone, and Willow got her first real love back. I haven't forgotten about Oz, and I know that she loved him too, but there are so many ways to love a person. The way that everyone talks about their relationship, it was different with Willow and Tara.
I'd like to think that this is their second chance, but I'd be kidding myself if I started to believe it. There really are no second chances. Sometimes they call them that, but really they're just new opportunities to try and make a change back to something or someone that you missed.
And the two parts of the second chance in question aren't even talking to each other. I think I'll approach the half I do know.
((Open to Willow))