I've decided that sleeping is overrated. When I came in here tonight,… - Tact is just saying not true stuff..
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I've decided that sleeping is overrated. When I came in here tonight,… - Tact is just saying not true stuff..
May 2005
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xxcordeliaxx
xxcordeliaxx
Cordelia Chase
May 1st, 2005 02:27 pm
I've decided that sleeping is overrated. When I came in here tonight, I was positive that I'd catch a few of the Z's that had skipped out on me when I was busy dwelling on our broken family. Well, that didn't happen. Story of my life, anyone? I got as far as laying down before I remembered something that kept me up.

Connor.

Though I'm not guilty of forgetting him, until now, I've seen what I wanted to in reference to our relationship. I keep looking at us as what we could be and not what we are. We could be closer now than we were before, and that doesn't just go for me and Connor, that includes Wesley, Fred, Lorne, and Gunn. It's time for us to rebuild, but we can't fully do that unless Connor is willing to be a part of it. He is a member of our family, sometimes I think he doesn't feel it because he doesn't want to. I'm more aware that it is a horrible accusation to throw on someone, especially someone who has had more pain in his life than I could ever begin to understand, I'll stand by it. I think it's true. He's scared of acting like us. We had our family, lost it for what seemed like a small eternity, and we're finally starting to get ourselves back together. Every time Connor thought he had someone to take care of him, he was betrayed by that person. By Holtz, by Angel when he gave up his soul, by me when I stopped paying attention and let him leave.

When he came back, I swore that things would be different. I thought they were different. Then Safi was kidnapped, and we missed our chance at getting back Angel's soul. I feel horrible for the things he's had to face, but if Connor thinks he's alone, then that just proves that he can be as dense as his father was. Connor has me; I love him. I'll take care of him until he specifically tells me to go to hell or sends me there, and even then, it wouldn't change how important he is to me. If you really love someone, you love them regardless of what mistakes they make.

Wesley helped us when we needed him, in spite of all the pain that we'd put him through, he was there. He went months without an apology, still fighting as one of the team. His love for us has to be pretty incredible for him to have put up with all of our crap for as long as he did. Wesley loves us, I get it. I didn't appreciate it very much until I realized how wrong we all were.

I got out of bed and started searching for Connor. He had his own room, the same one that Angel had given him, but I wasn't surprised when I didn't find him there. If I wanted to be alone, I wouldn't go to the first place where someone would look for me, it made sense for him to be brooding elsewhere. I checked the lobby, the ballroom, and the kitchen, where I made a mental note to tell them to get more blood. I started checking the empty rooms, opening a door to find Kennedy sitting on a bed in tears.

"Hey." I called out softly, inviting myself in and walking over to the bed. Crying alone won't do her any good, if anyone knows that, it's me.

"I didn't mean to barge in on you, but now that I'm here...you look like you could use an acquaintance."

[[Open to Kennedy]]

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